To build a healthy and loving community

Dearest all,


I was listening to this US pastor this morning and he shed some lights on how to tackle relationships issues (For eg: handling & receiving criticisms) within a community.
I find it "refreshing to the soul" and I would love to share it with you.


He began with this;
(I) Who are those who criticise us?
People such as our parents, siblings, kids, leaders, subordinates, friends and workmates are people whom we will encounter criticism from.

The many reactions are as follows when one is criticised:
- Who are you to criticize me?
- I thought you are my friend..etc.


The pastor said that only true friends/family members who will say things that we do not like to hear.
Only people who loves us will say the truth to our face. He also quoted on this : (- Self explainable-)

Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)


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(II) Types of Criticism
One with a humble heart is one who take it in and analyse the criticism ie to see whether it is of constructive/corrective or destructive criticism.

(a) Corrective/Constructive Criticism
Eg 1: Priscilla and Aquilla corrected Apollos, who was a learned man, with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures. He did not taught a complete understanding of Gods' way at the synagogue. With a humble heart, he took in their correction and chose the right teaching from them. (Acts 18:24-26)
- This man who came from a higher education background had all the right to question and challenge these women but he did not.

Eg 2: Paul rebuked Peter when he chose not to eat with the Gentiles. Barrabas was also following what Peter is doing. As a result, Paul came to correct Peter to do what is right. (Galatians 2:11-14)


(b) Destructive Criticism
Eg 1: Peter rebukes Jesus when Jesus predicted his death to his disciples. As a result, Jesus rebuked Peter for he did not realised that his criticism is against the will of God. (Mark 8:31-33)

Eg 2: Miriam criticizes Moses about his leadership and authority. As a result, the Lords' anger burned against her and she became leprous. (Numbers 12:1-15)

- The difference between these two are the intentions lie within those who criticise us. When we are criticize, we must ask whether the "criticism" are valid and are in alignment with Gods' righteousness/ways. To add, if more than 1 person came and say the same thing, it is more likely they are telling the truth. Those who came from the first category are those who genuinely care for us and want to build us versus the latter, who clearly came with their own agendas or to pull us down.


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(III) How to "love" the hard ways
- Background work: Lots of prayers
- By approaching our "families" with a gentle spirit. :)


I believe for us to build a healthy, strong and loving community (not pseudo community), we must seek wisdom to protect, love and cherish one another. I do not have the full answer yet but for the health of our "spiritual families", the above is a good start.


Love,
Doreen C.