Clarity

I'm nearing the zone of burning out but Praise GOD, I realised it NOW.

I am so glad that I went over to Roshans' place. We ended up sharing our lives and spending time together with the Lord. I left his home feeling very refresh and above all, I took away this sense of clarity.

I realise that I have been giving and giving without taking much of a break. Looking at my timesheet now, I skipped my lunch most of the time. Somehow it gave me a sense of accomplishment to just kept "plowing" my work non-stop. Little did I know, God has made Sabbath time for a purpose. A time to take a break, refresh, recharge before the next "plowing" work begins. I will always remember what Auntie Kim has told me. "Doreen dear, we are running a marathon, not a 100m race. So, pace yourself". How true is this. I guess that I have to paste this onto my monitor to serve as a reminder to this "workaholic". :) Blessings and a curse.

From last night, I realised that I did not have any boundaries with my work. Hence, the feeling of tiredness sips in. As for this 3 days, I will be fasting from "work". By fasting in this category means that I will choose to open space for breaks and NOT say YES to all things that are put unto my plate. Above all, my choices must be made with the guidance of the spirit.

To add, I will disciplined myself by having devotion every morning, breaks for lunches, not to linger at the office after 5pm and to have a prayer time for my kids, family and dearest before I sleep. Oh yes, one discipline that I want to forge is to SLEEP EARLY. No more sleeping late for the sake of my health. I'm aiming to sleep no later than 12pm. Hence, which means that I must be at home by 10pm the latest.

I was led to the book of 2 Samuel 11:1 this morning. It started with King David who had chosen to stay home instead of joining his army for war during the month of Spring. Hence, the story of King David and Bathsheba commenced.

K. David was supposed to be with his troupe, fighting on behalf of the country but He is here, resting. He lusted after his own desires and committed many great sins.

This make me reflect on the current situation that I am in. I do know that this is a year of REBUILDING ie there is much work to be done here. If I am to say NO to every new things coming my way, I maybe risking something very crucial. This makes me think that I have to be wise and be selective. As much as I give out, I must increase my INPUT. The more I work, the more that I need to dwell in the presence of the Lord.... A worker that is working with very low resources will end up worst off.

Lord God, I pray for wisdom. I pray for courage. I pray for insights that are beyond my years. I want to desire to know you more than before not because I want to manipulate you so that my work can be completed smoothly. Father, I DO NOT want to be a workaholic or perfectionist or a people pleaser. In all my attempt to do this work that you have given me, Father, I pray that you will guide me to say yes and no when I am place in a situation.

Eureka: Say No to things that deviates from what I have called you to do. Concentrate and focus on it. I have called you to focus in dance. Arts will come later. This is the "work" that I have called you. Have the courage and peace. Stand firm in your faith. Go forth.

Father, thank you for your guidance. This I will obey...

Much love,
Doreen C.