Many things had happened since yesterday. I am unsure of what actually happened but somehow, in some way, I'm tad too emo yesterday. Ask me why, I can only give you a "blur look". I was in a situation where my emotion just flared up uncontrollably. It is funny how when I am put in a sticky situation, what comes out of me is pure "ugly". Feeling of anger is one of them. Grrrrr.... Back then, I feel like "exploding". GGGRRRRRR!
At night, I tried to reflect on what actually happened. It become clear to me that I like "control" and indeed I am a perfectionist. I am one type who takes pride in what I do and with any tasks that are given to me, I will do my best to accomplish it. I dislike the feeling of "dropping the ball" because it make me real mad. Therefore, I know that if I am place in the corporate sector, I will soar up the rank.
But, ooooo my, God sure loves me. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows what is BEST for me. :) I know God is in the process of peeling layers and layers of DNA in me that has nothing to do with Him. The above is my DNA. "The Achiever". :)
I was reading the book of Joel this morning. He urged the people to turn away from their sins and to return to God. This I have been asking God for a few weeks now. I know as I walk near the light, the "darkness" that is within me will be revealed little by little. The above situation is one of the example.
But papa, you know what. Please do so as it pleases you. I want to be molded to be just like you. Anything that is not of you, please cleanse me deep within. I do not want to be proud, angry and bear the spirit of Jezebel. The moment I hang on too strongly to try to control things, that is when I am trying to be God myself.
I desire to livebyfaith.
I desire to grow in this community.
I desire love, forgiveness and joy
I desire peace.
I desire oneness & unity with those around me.
I desire to obey you.
Looking forward to hear from you soon,
Love,
Doremi.. :)
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