My many many words; just for you ALONE

Feeling a bit down recently.

Not too sure why. It seems that I may have a lot of things to be grateful for but the lack of foresight in this seems daunting.
No wonder it is so true that when one may seem to have lots, have "nothing" in the end.
All things without God is meaningless. It is not that I do not have God but I do not sense him. I know that it is more than sensing him. Why this emotion? Why this feeling of "loneliness"? Yet, I do know that my Lord has never leave me nor forsake me?

I know by accepting this feeling that I have now is healthy. Also the acceptance of listening to the wrong "voice" within me is alright. It is all part of growing to know myself, to discern the "real/actual" voice within me. Why I am frustrated with this slow speed? I desire to enjoy these downtime for I know it is all part of the bigger picture.

My Lord, My lord, why am I feeling the way I feel now? Why the dissatisfaction with life? Why am I having this emotion, this emptiness within me? OR is it real and just me, trying to feel these emotions?

My Lord, My Lord, hear me out. Are you out there? I know that you are and you are listening to me attentively. There is noone like you, My Lord. Who can I put my trust? No one but you alone, my Lord. IN you I place my trust. In you, I desire to follow you all the days of my heart. Father, feelings & emotions can be deceiving but there is assurance, security, consistency in you!

Without you, who am I?
Without you, I can do nothing?
Without the "air" that you have breathe in me, I am lifeless.

Father, I am thankful for just being able to write my heart/thoughts for you. I know deep within that there is noone like you. I'm so glad that I can be all I am meant to be & not be someone else. Father, I adore you & desire you. I love you & you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life. IT does not matter what other people think of me, at the end of the day, everyone is too busy doing what they are suppose to do. You are my lover of my soul and there is no one like you! :) Father, I adore you, I love you, I HEART of you. Father, there is noone else but you alone! :)

Even as I am listening to these beautiful songs, they remind me so so much of you. Father, as I typed this with my bare hands, it is like words are flowing right from my heart just for you. Papa, do you know that I am serenading you, noone but you ALONE. It is like playing a piano, it is not about techniques, but it is a heartfelt song that I am playing just for you alone. Father, you are my favourite audience, do you know that? :) :) :)


Kanbattee...

Love love love,
Your one and only

To truly LIVE......

My Lord, I am so grateful for all that I have. My beloved family, my work, friends, my housechurch, my colleagues & Timmy, being healthy and having the ability to support myself, are all gifts from you. Indeed Father, I lack nothing. Though I am surrounded by a social norm which requires me to have a family & the security in life by now, but you know what, my beloved Father, you are my security & my identity is in YOU.

Father, this is your world and I am your daughter. I have never lack anything, my Lord. Your eyes have been on me from the moment I was formed in my mother's womb. Your promises to Abraham, my great great great great forefather still holds true up until now. I know deep within, I believe by faith, that my generations below me will be blessed, solely because of your unceasing, unconditional love for me. It is never by "work", but it is by this gift called GRACE that you have shower upon me all this while and for the rest of my life here.

Father, it is so true of what Timmy said over the Easter Retreat, if you have given me this great mission to stand up for the creative artists in your Kingdom, you will COMMISSION me to do so. You will provide the RIGHT representative with the right SPIRIT, MIND & ATTITUDE. It will flourish in your PERFECT TIMING. When October comes, it will be EXACTLY 10 years that I was given the calling to build this creative arts in Melbourne, this land that you have called me to. I would said that I have not stop pursuing this dream/specific calling that you have for me and truthfully, I wish it can be where I want to be. But, who am I kidding, deeds alone are nothing. What you have called me to do, I will still sow in it, FAITHFULLY! (by hook or by crook)

Father, I believe that when you do open the doors, no man can shut it. I have also learn that PRAYERS are the UTMOST MOST IMPORTANT THING in my life right now. Little did I know, I have begun to pray more than I even realize it these few months. It has almost become a second nature now for me to ask of you anytime I desire to communicate with you. Away with the religiosity mindset but bring in all the NATURAL WAYS that you want me to build with you, Papa. And for this, my Lord, I am grateful. If I am to die today, I have nothing to loose. All my supposedly "enemies" in this lifetime, have become my friends and will be, for the rest of my life.

Father, through you, I have learnt to forgive my parents. How silly it is to hold on to past hurts & grudges for the sake of pride and self? I am soo soo soo glad I did what you have taught me in your words. What is the point of living in segregation/outcast from the family just because I couldn't get over MYSELF? I am now REAPING the BEAUTY, LOVE, JOY, PRECIOUS & REMAINING TIME that I still have, with my parents & family. Lord, my Lord, you are the BEST. So so so glad that I "die" to self and REGAIN what I have lost before. :):):)

Papa, I love you.
I adore you.
I desire you.

The latest promise that you have revealed to me, I will entrust my whole being unto you.

Loving you always,
Doremi