I want to KNOW........

• It doesn’t interest me
  what you do for a living.
  I want to know
  what you ache for
  and if you dare to dream
  of meeting your heart’s longing.
  
  
  
  
  It doesn’t interest me
  how old you are.
  I want to know
  if you will risk
  looking like a fool
  for love
  for your dream
  for the adventure of being alive.
  
  
  
  
  It doesn’t interest me
  what planets are
  squaring your moon…
  I want to know
  if you have touched
  the centre of your own sorrow
  if you have been opened
  by life’s betrayals
  or have become shrivelled and closed
  from fear of further pain.
  
  
  
  
  I want to know
  if you can sit with pain
  mine or your own
  without moving to hide it
  or fade it
  or fix it.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  I want to know
  if you can be with joy
  mine or your own
  if you can dance with wildness
  and let the ecstasy fill you
  to the tips of your fingers and toes
  without cautioning us
  to be careful
  to be realistic
  to remember the limitations
  of being human.
  
  
  
  
  It doesn’t interest me
  if the story you are telling me
  is true.
  I want to know if you can
  disappoint another
  to be true to yourself.
  If you can bearthe accusation of betrayal
  and not betray your own soul.
  If you can be faithless
  and therefore trustworthy.
  
  
  I want to know if you can see Beauty
  even when it is not pretty
  every day.
  And if you can source your own life
  from its presence.
  
  
  
  
  I want to know
  if you can live with failure
  yours and mine
  and still stand at the edge of the lake
  and shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.”
  
  
  
  
  It doesn’t interest me
  to know where you live
  or how much money you have.
  I want to know if you can get up
  after the night of grief and despair
  weary and bruised to the bone
  and do what needs to be done
  to feed the children.
  
  
  
  
  It doesn’t interest me
  who you know
  or how you came to be here.
  I want to know if you will standin the centre of the fire
  with me
  and not shrink back.
  
  
  
  
  It doesn’t interest me
  where or what or with whom
  you have studied.
  I want to know
  what sustains you
  from the inside
  when all else falls away.
  
  
  
  
  I want to know
  if you can be alone
  with yourself
  and if you truly like
  the company you keepin the empty moments.
  
  
  - The Invitation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer
  
  

"Be STRONG and take HEART, all you who HOPE in the LORD." Psalm 31:24

It's 6.22pm now and I am listening to Wang Lee Hom's song: Still in Love with You. I really like the tune. :) 

Am feeling the brunt of end of financial year but I am not going to allow the pressure to overwhelm me. I am going to do as much as I can, one day at a time. As busy as I am, I cannot avoid the pain that my friends are going through. Yes, it is good to tick the checklist that I have but truly, being there for a friend is more important than making myself feel good by completing my work. I'm not saying that completing my tasks are not important, I am stating that relationship; people and friends are much more valuable to me. 

As I was listening to my friend, I was praying for wisdom from God. I know I am not in a position to "solve" the problem but I am to be here to just "listen" and ask good "questions". I believe when one is going through "challenges", he needs someone to be there for him. I know I will really appreciate it when someone, a friend who truly care is there for me when I am in the "storm".

Scripture

"Be STRONG and take HEART,

all you who HOPE in the LORD." Psalm 31:24

Observation

King David was going through time of distress and he turned to Father Abba for help. He saw God as his place of refuge, a God who would deliver him from the evil people. He knew what God could do and the power that he had in helping him. Such is the faith that David had in God. 

Application

I love how trusting David was in God. I desire to be like him. I know that this trust can only be built through years and years of devoting oneself to God. How would you know the heart of God without spending time to know this Creator? How would one know the character of God without learning and seeing all the great victories that God had pulled through for his people, for the sake of His name.

I am the daughter of the Most HIGH. Jesus said greater are those who are called in His name for He shall do an even greater things than He did. I am given the power and authority over the lies, fears and threats from the enemies. What can they do to me since I know that my Dad will not allow me to be hurt? I know God's plan is to prosper and not to harm me. I believe the spirit in me will guide, lead, mentor and train me in the ways of the Lord. I know the Spirit will be my comforter when all things fail.

Prayer

My Lord, I pray for this understanding to be with my fellow friends who are going through time of questioning about life. I pray that their eyes, mind, heart and ears will be opened to this truth for you say that your truth will set everyone who believes in you, FREE. Father, I believe that if you are for me, who can be against me. No one, my Lord. Papa, I am thankful for you are faithful and that you have never leave me nor forsake me. I pray that this understanding of who you are, our Protector will flow to every single person who is hurting right now, right here in this place. My Lord, My lord, just as you have never leave me whenever I call for your help, you will also be there for my friends. Please be there to comfort them, be their shield and be their tower of refuge.

In Christ Alone,

Doreen C.

In Christ Alone

Today is the 11th June 2012. I'm in my 30's but there is this sense of deep youthfulness within me. So many things had happened during the last few years but they seem to be "unreal" to me now. What had happened before seems to have faded away as mere "memories" to me. My life was full of ups & downs and trust me, it was chaotic back then. I could not have imagined how I had managed to rise up & overcome every single one of them with my Creator. To be honest, I am so glad that my Creator came, fought & rescued me back in 2000. I could not have imagined how my life would turned out to be without this Creator. All I can say is that it will be really miserable, uneventful, boring & worst of all, meaningless. Who knows, I may have actually marry someone I do not really loved, work in a place I do not really enjoyed and have no idea on how to nurture my kids. Life would have been miserable as I know deep within, my dreams of something "more than just these" could never, ever be fulfilled. But, hey, He came to my aid when I was just at a tender age of 21. :) *Sigh of relief*

As at Present

Ive got a calling, a purpose that is bigger than myself.

Ive got a community that I love and cherish.

Ive got younger "sisters" & housemate whom I truly adore & am taking care of.

Ive got the finances to eat without having to count every cents & having to save on things

Ive got the finances to be generous to others.

Ive got a car where I can travel to where ever I please & bless others at the same time.

I'm working with a bunch of amazing people whose hearts are set right on what is truly important.

I've got an amazing family back in Malaysia.

Ive got a few friends whom I can go to. (TB, FF, AR, JT)

Ive got a beautiful & most adorable cat, Missy Louise Cleopatra. 

Ive got legs & limbs & a healthy body for me to dance my heart out.

Ive got a healthy mind!

Ive got the independence to pursue what I love.

Ive got the FREEDOM & conviction to PURSUE what I believe in.

The most important of all, I belong to this God who knows me inside out & has given me a promise that He will definitely fulfill in His perfect timing. :D

Honestly, what do I have to complain? Yes, I do, sometimes.

I am eager to see the "results" and really, I am impatient, hehehe just like my dad. 

But, you know what Father, 

- I love surprises. 

- I love to live by faith. 

- I love love love what you are about to do. 

Though I do not see what is happening in the current state, but I am going to wait and see what you are about to do. While I am waiting, I desire to seek you with all my heart, soul & might. The above are nothing without you; my first love. I do not want to be called as one who has forgotten her first love. I choose you, Father. I want you. I desire to wait and obey you. What you have given me, my Lord, I am grateful and truly contented with everything that I have. Father, as for me & my household, we will worship you until the end of time, just like Joshua. I pray and ask forth, for the salvation of every single person in the Chew & Wong's clans. Father, I pray that your Words will never leave this household & I ask forth for you to bless and be the covering over myself, my family and generations upon generations to come after me. May my children be apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, professors, "rebels" who stand up for the right causes, judges, doctors, lawyers, artists, celebrities, sportsmen; men & women who desires to seek first your Kingdom and your righteousness; people who dare to stand up for injustice, for the poor, weak and the widows. Father, hear my prayers as I ask forth with deep conviction & faith.

Father, I pray that your desire will be my desire. I pray that I will not deviate from the sole purpose that you have called me to but to keep a heart that is constantly in tune with you. Father, I also pray for my future partner that he will be strengthened and he shall set his heart right with you. He shall place you as his no. 1 in his life. Anyone who does not fit the bill, please send them away from me. Father, I believe time is crucial here and I am ready to partner with the right person whom you have prepared for me. Just like Eve, I will support my Adam. I pray that you will mold & refine him. May you humble, teach, direct, mentor, guide him in your ways. May he be one who understand the true meaning of forgiveness, humility, grace & mercy and unconditional love. May he be one who will truly loves me like how Jesus loves the church & I pray for a teachable heart as well, someone who listens & understand the importance of communication & lastly, be one who is generous please!!!! :D I surrender all of these unto your hands, My Lord.

In Christ Alone,
Your one and only..;)


In Christ Alone

Jeremiah O Jeremiah!

Am going through the book of Jeremiah this season. What a book. I truly admire the boldness, loyalty and faithfulness that Jeremiah had in his calling. How many of us are able to wear his "shoes"? Not many in these days. But it is precisely for someone like him, I am deeply encouraged & INSPIRED.

I have learnt that success in the eyes of the world is nothing compare to the success in the eyes of my creator. To the world, Jeremiah is a failure; but to God, he is the EXACT OPPOSITE. Jeremiah was called by GOD to plant himself in the middle of the wicked city of Jerusalem & proclaimed judgement unto God's people. The Israelites were wicked, worshiped foreign gods and turned their backs away from the CREATOR. Many false prophets took the opportunity to proclaim peace within the country but they met their faith for proclaiming lies that were not from GOD.

Jeremiah, O Jeremiah, you have opened my eyes to what success means. I simply admire your pure "stubbornness" in pursuing something that is bigger than yourselves. Though you received many threats of death & physical humilation, you stood tall and firm in proclaiming the TRUTH. Indeed, God was your ROCK & the ONE who STOOD by you when you were in the midst of self-doubts, hopelessness, fears & not to mention, suffering to the point of wanting to just end your life. But you know what, your weaknessess opens the opportunity for me to see how my CREATOR had sprung to your RESCUE almost immediately after every frantic yells, you made to Him personally (frantic yells=prayers).

I could also see that my CREATOR had never leave you nor forsake you. In every moment, HE was there for you. Indeed, HE is true to this word & promises.

Because of you, Jeremiah, there were a few faithful remaining remnants who saw, heard and acted in obedience to the truth. It is because of you, they LIVED & FLOURISHED!

Because of you, Jeremiah, I am able to see the love & mercy that my Creator had for his "rebellion" children.It is Gods' very intention to bring his children back to HIM in the end. (Reality: Many who do not understand the Creator's heartbeat would have condemned that there is no God. Their logic is that a God who loves the world will not destroy it. But, if we have allowed ourselves to research more on the context of the story, the real truth is; humanity had chosen wickedness & rebelliousness in the first place). A God who is love & just, will not allow his "people" to spiral to hell. Therefore, He had no choice but to bring forth judgment. (Love, Judgement, Discipline are needed to correct a child. A loving parent corrects/disciplines their children; a people-pleasing parent will have a "monster" specially breed from home"

Dear God, thank you for teaching me lots from this book alone. I see & I will keep on learning as much as I can while I am here, still alive & kicking. What you have called me to do, I will hang on here and not let it go. The only time I will let go is so that I could let you do what you need to do BEST in that situation. Thank you for humbling, molding and refining me. I have to admit that it is embarassing sometimes but if it means bringing the best out of me for the sole purpose of advancing the work of your Kingdom, so let it be, My Lord. I am yours. Bless my work, my relationships and all that I do & think. 

Love you,

Your one & only 

My many many words; just for you ALONE

Feeling a bit down recently.

Not too sure why. It seems that I may have a lot of things to be grateful for but the lack of foresight in this seems daunting.
No wonder it is so true that when one may seem to have lots, have "nothing" in the end.
All things without God is meaningless. It is not that I do not have God but I do not sense him. I know that it is more than sensing him. Why this emotion? Why this feeling of "loneliness"? Yet, I do know that my Lord has never leave me nor forsake me?

I know by accepting this feeling that I have now is healthy. Also the acceptance of listening to the wrong "voice" within me is alright. It is all part of growing to know myself, to discern the "real/actual" voice within me. Why I am frustrated with this slow speed? I desire to enjoy these downtime for I know it is all part of the bigger picture.

My Lord, My lord, why am I feeling the way I feel now? Why the dissatisfaction with life? Why am I having this emotion, this emptiness within me? OR is it real and just me, trying to feel these emotions?

My Lord, My Lord, hear me out. Are you out there? I know that you are and you are listening to me attentively. There is noone like you, My Lord. Who can I put my trust? No one but you alone, my Lord. IN you I place my trust. In you, I desire to follow you all the days of my heart. Father, feelings & emotions can be deceiving but there is assurance, security, consistency in you!

Without you, who am I?
Without you, I can do nothing?
Without the "air" that you have breathe in me, I am lifeless.

Father, I am thankful for just being able to write my heart/thoughts for you. I know deep within that there is noone like you. I'm so glad that I can be all I am meant to be & not be someone else. Father, I adore you & desire you. I love you & you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life. IT does not matter what other people think of me, at the end of the day, everyone is too busy doing what they are suppose to do. You are my lover of my soul and there is no one like you! :) Father, I adore you, I love you, I HEART of you. Father, there is noone else but you alone! :)

Even as I am listening to these beautiful songs, they remind me so so much of you. Father, as I typed this with my bare hands, it is like words are flowing right from my heart just for you. Papa, do you know that I am serenading you, noone but you ALONE. It is like playing a piano, it is not about techniques, but it is a heartfelt song that I am playing just for you alone. Father, you are my favourite audience, do you know that? :) :) :)


Kanbattee...

Love love love,
Your one and only

To truly LIVE......

My Lord, I am so grateful for all that I have. My beloved family, my work, friends, my housechurch, my colleagues & Timmy, being healthy and having the ability to support myself, are all gifts from you. Indeed Father, I lack nothing. Though I am surrounded by a social norm which requires me to have a family & the security in life by now, but you know what, my beloved Father, you are my security & my identity is in YOU.

Father, this is your world and I am your daughter. I have never lack anything, my Lord. Your eyes have been on me from the moment I was formed in my mother's womb. Your promises to Abraham, my great great great great forefather still holds true up until now. I know deep within, I believe by faith, that my generations below me will be blessed, solely because of your unceasing, unconditional love for me. It is never by "work", but it is by this gift called GRACE that you have shower upon me all this while and for the rest of my life here.

Father, it is so true of what Timmy said over the Easter Retreat, if you have given me this great mission to stand up for the creative artists in your Kingdom, you will COMMISSION me to do so. You will provide the RIGHT representative with the right SPIRIT, MIND & ATTITUDE. It will flourish in your PERFECT TIMING. When October comes, it will be EXACTLY 10 years that I was given the calling to build this creative arts in Melbourne, this land that you have called me to. I would said that I have not stop pursuing this dream/specific calling that you have for me and truthfully, I wish it can be where I want to be. But, who am I kidding, deeds alone are nothing. What you have called me to do, I will still sow in it, FAITHFULLY! (by hook or by crook)

Father, I believe that when you do open the doors, no man can shut it. I have also learn that PRAYERS are the UTMOST MOST IMPORTANT THING in my life right now. Little did I know, I have begun to pray more than I even realize it these few months. It has almost become a second nature now for me to ask of you anytime I desire to communicate with you. Away with the religiosity mindset but bring in all the NATURAL WAYS that you want me to build with you, Papa. And for this, my Lord, I am grateful. If I am to die today, I have nothing to loose. All my supposedly "enemies" in this lifetime, have become my friends and will be, for the rest of my life.

Father, through you, I have learnt to forgive my parents. How silly it is to hold on to past hurts & grudges for the sake of pride and self? I am soo soo soo glad I did what you have taught me in your words. What is the point of living in segregation/outcast from the family just because I couldn't get over MYSELF? I am now REAPING the BEAUTY, LOVE, JOY, PRECIOUS & REMAINING TIME that I still have, with my parents & family. Lord, my Lord, you are the BEST. So so so glad that I "die" to self and REGAIN what I have lost before. :):):)

Papa, I love you.
I adore you.
I desire you.

The latest promise that you have revealed to me, I will entrust my whole being unto you.

Loving you always,
Doremi

Oh Papa..... Oh Father Abba....

Beloved Father, teach me how to come back to your heart? How do I have this heart of worship? Before I can ask how to bring others back to you, I need to back "home" to where I belong. Father, I do not know how to and I'm not too sure whether to start. But, may you receive this tear that comes out from my eyes. Father, I am so glad that I can listen to this wonderful music that touches my heart. Indeed, Greg Howlett's playing is amazing. It touches my heart.

How to I create movements that touches the core of every human's hearts? How do I, papa? The reason that I can do is only through a deepening of relationship with you, right? How do I do that? I love the flow of the music. The love that he has for you. I can almost feel the love relationship that he has for you, My Lord, through his music.

Where is mine?

Father, search me, O Lord. Search my heart. Search every part of me, my Lord. I have nothing to hide. You can see right through me. Let me surrender all things back to you, My Lord. I do not want to strive, to be control, to live life meaninglessly but I desire purpose. For now, I know what is my calling but I want more than that, my Lord. I want clarity, my Lord. Please guide me, direct me, teach me on where to go.